Today was the first time I have ever told anyone the story behind the tattoos on my wrists. And I didn’t realize that I had never shared it with anyone. Not even the people closest to me.
A little over five years ago, my now ex husband walked out on my daughter and I while I was pregnant with my son. Shortly after that, we moved halfway across the country and into my parent’s house, where I had to start all over again. At the time I didn’t realize how I felt because I was totally numb. Today was a big revelation into what was going on.
About two weeks before Christmas I had headed out of town by myself to get Christmas presents for my family. And decided on the way there that I either needed to get a tattoo, or I needed to die. Words could not explain the loss and the pain that I was feeling. I couldn’t tell anyone that I had considered “accidentally” swerving in front of a semi, because there were no words to explain that.
Thankfully the town I went to had a tattoo parlor, albeit shady, and they probably saved my life. I had them tattoo the Chinese symbols for God and Love on my wrists. The physical pain that I felt while getting the tattoos kind of snapped me out of the place that I had been in. You go so long feeling numb that you need real pain to realize you are still alive.
The symbol on my right wrist is like my cross necklace. It is a constant reminder that i belong to God. His name is written on me. I am His. He will never leave me.
No matter how horrible things seem, no matter how alone I may feel, seeing that tattoo reminds me that I am ok.
Sharing this story today was very freeing for me. No one had any idea about this. And I feel that it is about time that people knew. I didn’t get them to be cliche or to go along with the latest trend (because I realize A LOT of people have similar tattoos.) I did it to save my life.
There is a new tattoo coming in the near future, but one that tells a very different story. A story of God’s grace and of everything he has given me. I have gotten a lot of grief over the cost of this because I am a single parent, and there are better things that I could do with my money, but it doesn’t feel like a waste to me. It is part of my story. And I want people to ask about them because maybe someone needs to hear what I have to say. Maybe my tattoos could save their lives too.