Ever have a day where you feel second rate in every.single.situation?
I’m so there right now and I know my attitude toward all of this isn’t really great either. But all of it, whether intentional or not all happened today and these three situations impact my home life, my job, and my church life. Like the three biggest areas in my life.
Right now I’m back on the, “I want to move” track. I just want to get out of here and leave this behind which fixes two of the three issues.
I’m sure the third issue could be fixed with an email, but wallowing in self pity seems like a better idea right now. Actually I’m sure two of the three issues could be fixed with some sort of communication, but I am a total introvert and will avoid confrontation at all costs. And I don’t need there to be uneasiness at work or church.
I’m trying to figure out what God is trying to teach me in moments like these. I know I’m not second rate to him and I know that running away isn’t optional right now.
This issue at church is such a burden to my heart that I’m ready to walk away from worship team because of it. But I love singing. People from church love it when I sing. (And I’m not saying this in an arrogant way. This is just what they tell me.)
But this issue comes up all the time and it makes me hate being there. It makes me hate leading worship and that is a bad place to be when you are supposed to be leading people into a place of worship.
The home thing is just that my neighbors are so freaking cliquey that they just sit there and glare at me and my kids when we leave the house. Even one whom I thought I was friends with. While I don’t need friends like that, I never lived in a place where your neighbors don’t even say hi to you. Makes life pretty lonely sometimes.
Sigh. Again. Just wallowing here, but maybe if I get it out I will feel better faster.