Such and interesting concept and topic that I am so looking forward to delving deeper into.
Tonight I got to talk to a new friend and vent about my miscarriage and just talk in general. I got to talking about how at church had I tried to sing I would have been sobbing hysterically but I can sing worship sings at home and I’m fine. But, I said, I don’t think I really mean them right now. I’m singing them just to sing even though I’m mad and hurt. And she mentioned the sacrifice of praise.
Praising God when the circumstances don’t warrant it. Praising Him when you think He has totally lost it. When you are so hurt by life that you can
hardly breathe. When you feel abandoned, in a dry time, alone, confused, angry… You name it. When you feel like anything but praising God.
Hebrews 13:15 says,
15Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name. 16And do not neglect doing good and sharing, for with such sacrifices God is pleased
I’ve read several commentaries on this and I’m looking forward to learning more. We are to continually praise God. I intentionally play worship songs and sing to them at home. Not because I want to. But He is still my God. Still on my side.
And worshipping without feeling “worshippy” isn’t hypocritical like I thought it was. I’m sacrificing my feelings, my emotions, my pain by worshipping when I don’t feel like it. I’m sacrificing my time. I’m giving it back to Him to take care of.
It is hypocritical if you don’t believe and do it as a show, but when you believe and do it even when you don’t want to, it becomes a sacrifice.
Which makes me feel better about how I felt in church on Sunday. Cause I would have rather died than gone and it was torture to sit there. Church is usually my refuge but since the miscarriage it has no longer been a comfort but a constant reminder of what I have lost.
I’m going to keep going and I’ve been assured that this does get easier.
All of this will now make leading worship a very different experience as well. How many times have I been up front while someone struggled through the service as I am now doing. I pray that God opens my eyes to those situations. To those hearts so if onto thing else I can pray for them. Or even better, leave behind my introverted self and talk to them. (I’m not super sure that talking is better than prayer, but it is cathartic. I suppose I can pray with them as well if I talk to them.)
So the next time you don’t want to/feel like worshipping, remember that it is your sacrifice to God when you praise him through the storm.