Grief is Exhausting

I’m so tired of crying, like about to quit drinking water so I’m too dehydrated to cry. I haven’t gone 24 hours this week without tears.
I’ve had to mourn a lot of loved ones in my life but this miscarriage takes the cake. (Weird expression, going to have to look up the origins on that one)
I feel like a bi-polar lunatic lately as one minute I can be laughing and totally fine and the next minute I’m sobbing.
I would love to blame it on hormones but I’m not sure I can get away with that for very long,
A lot, and I mean a LOT, of the songs that I have been listening to lately have been talking about God’s promises.
My kids start school after Labor Day so I’m looking forward to some very in depth quiet time learning about what God has promised us.
Sadly the only thing I can think of off hand is the rainbow when he promised to never flood the entire earth again. I wouldn’t doubt that I know way more than that, but like I said, grief is exhausting. Mentally as well as emotionally and physically.
There’s a verse that says something to the effect of, there’s pain in the night but joy comes in the morning” (it is also part of a song which is probably the only reason I remember it. If the entire Bible was set to music, I would have most of it memorized because it seems that is the only way I retain knowledge well. Too bad I didn’t know that while taking algebra and chemistry!)
I’m just straying to wonder when morning is coming, I realize it has only been a little over a month, but a month do crying makes for a really long month.
The problem with situations like this us that there is no set time to heal. I knew my both of my grandpas had cancer and were going to die, so I had spent a lot of time before they passed dealing with it, so after the funeral, I didn’t grieve for that long.
My cousin was killed in a car accident by a classmate of mine and most of the time I still cry when I drive by the cross that was put on the side of the road. It is becoming less often but I still get bowled over by grief from losing her so unexpectedly.
But this is was my child. It is amazing how much you can mourn over someone you have never met. And maybe that is part of the mourning was the fact that we never got to know her. It is a pain that no one understands unless they have experienced it and a pain you wish no one ever had to experience.

Pleas forgive typos and bad grammar. I write these at the end of the day to empty my mind of the things I have been dwelling on all day so I can sleep. My iPad seems to think it knows what I’m saying and autocorrects things without me noticing. Turning words like songs into dings.


2 thoughts on “Grief is Exhausting

  1. Jo-Hannah says:

    For what it’s worth, I want you to know that there is no set timetable on how long it should take you. You should take as long as you need. And don’t fight the tears. Let them come. They are part of the healing. You are strong and smart and not bipolar. You are grieving and people don’t say it out loud enough that you get as much stinking time as you need. It’s your loss. It’s your pain. Don’t hide it or be embarrassed by it. I’ve seen your posts. And your pins (yes I use Pinterest as an escape too). Heather. You hurt, and you know what? It’s okay to hurt. You have reason to. You have a huge reason to. Take all the time you need. And when your heart heals, the tears will come less and less day by day. But in the meantime, let them come.
    Loving you from afar. ❤

  2. cari says:

    Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

    -Matthew 5:4

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